“Even if it is a positive…” Said one of the UK’s Leading doctors on infectious diseases today, “a false positive is a negative.” And with that the last of my faith in this health system vanished. As it seems, if a doctor does not see the rash him/herself, then s/he must treat the patient as though having, first a mental disorder, and second possibility of co existing conditions.
The worst part of this is having to live with relatives I don’t know well, and who if nothing else, aggravate my “stressed” health. I have been paraded to several doctors whom were “briefed about my condition” prior to my visit. So anything that I say or do is already gaged against a set of assumptions and preconceived ideas of me. I suppose it fits well here, the imagery of the “nutty professor” “crazy genius” “mad scientist” or “insane inventor.”
To that I vowed not to actively resist this environment, because, in doing so I’ve been labeled crazy by the same doctors who refuse to see patients that 1) don’t have the right paycheque or 2) the ones that question their methods, expertise, decisions. Instead, I decided to purchase antibiotics myself off of online vendors in order to start immediate treatment. I held off because I wanted to give “established medical guidelines” a chance. I would have been more likely to accept the limitations of science rather than its superiority (and certainty without conclusive empirical evidence to NEGATE hypothesis) claim of validity and accuracy.
The truth of the matter is we all have been there… A nasty or over anxious client/customer calls/visits/emails and they insist they know more than you do about a problem/solution/options/methods or so on… God knows I have. And many a times I let slip a snide backhanded comment here or there. The difference here though is this is MY health we are negotiating. And MY PAIN can’t be subjectified on a scale of 1-5 just cause there are theories about it. Something IS wrong with me. I did have a bull’s eye bite and several people can corroborate that. I am getting worse. And my immune system isn’t weaker because of age.
I hope that someone does find a cure or a test that can prove beyond reasonable doubt that this is indeed real. I hope to goodness that my life isn’t dictated by these bizarre changes.
For someone who has mastered her tears so well, the thought of everything that is happening has been enough to make me breakdown each and every single time. I am working towards one day getting to a point where I can actually talk about this no longer with tears.